10 Specific Compliments to Give Your Children

Posted on January 11, 2012 by revjohnhill

10 Specific Compliments to Give Your Children | All Pro Dad.

Fact is, children look to their parents for encouragement, and finding affirmation at home is foundational to positive emotional development. Parents need to be in the business of building our children up.  But we also need to be honest, and it’s important to use compliments that really mean something. Kids can sense disingenuousness and empty praise. Making stuff up is harmful; false praise is dishonest and the practice breaks trust.

Here are 10 compliments all kids need to hear:

  1. Recognize and compliment character:
    We live in a world where integrity is neither consistently taught nor widely expected. When our children demonstrate honesty, kindness, trustworthiness and reliability, that’s a great time to take them aside and offer a sincere compliment.
  2. Compliment obedience and respect:
    It’s too easy to fall into patterns of disapproval, where the only time we notice is when kids do wrong. Rather than waiting for disobedience or disrespect (then coming down like a ton of bricks) try noticing obedience and respect: “I don’t always remember to tell you, but you are an awesome young man, and I appreciate the way you treat your mother”.
  3. Appreciate them for simply being part of the family:
    “Every time I see you, I’m thankful that I’m a dad.” Kids need to understand that they are valued simply because they are.
  4. Compliment contributions to the family:
    “Clearing the table (sweeping the porch… putting out the trash) makes a real difference. I appreciate your contribution.” Kids need to understand that what they do makes a difference, that the adults notice, and that pitching in is a good part of family life.
  5. Compliment the quality of a child’s work:
    “This is one clean porch, mister!” “You mowed the lawn right up to the edge.  Way to go!  I’m so glad you take this job so seriously, it shows.” Doing a job at a high standard is always worth noting.
  6. We can compliment the effort, even when the result is not the best:
    “Your willingness to help makes me happy! Now we need to take a look at how you can get the trash to the curb without leaving a trail!” Compliments can be an important part of our role as teachers.
  7. It’s important that we compliment children when they achieve something new:
    “Wow! That’s a huge leap forward for you there in math, pal.” “Awesome! I’m not at all surprised after you worked so hard.” A well-placed compliment can keep a positive ball rolling.
  8. We can compliment sense of style even if we don’t exactly share their taste:
    We don’t want to hedge kids into being clones of dad, or mom. “When it comes to putting together an outfit, you certainly have some flair!” “I can tell that you put a lot of thought into the way you look.” “I’ve never seen a table set quite like that before – you have an amazing imagination!” It’s not useful to limit compliments to the narrow range of our own taste.
  9. Compliment steps toward a long-term goal:
    “Son, the improvement you’re showing is commendable. Thanks for trying.” Waiting for perfection before we’re willing to dish out a compliment is inefficient, may dampen enthusiasm, and does little to help the process of growth.
  10. Try complimenting their friends:
    But only do this when you can do it honestly! “Your friends are the greatest!” “That Jimmy is such a positive young man.” “You know, it gives me a lot of confidence to know you use common sense in choosing your friends.”
Categories: Family, John Personal, John's Rant (opinion), Lessons I've Learned as a Dad | Tags: , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

10 Ways to Live Above Your Life’s Circumstances | All Pro Dad

Posted on January 10, 2012 by revjohnhill

10 Ways to Live Above Your Life’s Circumstances | All Pro Dad.

Here are 10 Ways we can live above life’s circumstances:

  1. Be clear about what defines you:

    Make sure know who you are, understand that you were created with a purpose, be crystal clear about what makes you tick.

  2. Live according to values that stand independent of circumstance:

    Stand on the solid ground of faith. Own the fact that you are a part of something greater. Build a life around values such as service and love and compassion.

  3. Practice living above circumstances before things get difficult:

    The time to learn how to step outside of circumstance is when things are still going well. Make sure that you’re not being sucked in to a reliance on the wrong values. Don’t put your eggs in the wrong baskets. Learn the difference between values that last and things that will ultimately let you down.

  4. Understand that relationships count:

    Make the choices that value relationships ahead of the bottom line. Spend time with your children. Engage your marriage as a priority not an afterthought. Honor your parents and friends.

  5. Be the best husband in the world!

    It’s a lot easier to deal with a lost job, or a financial challenge, or a difficult child when you are confident in your relationship with your wife.

  6. Invest in things that are timeless:

    In your monthly budget, how important is charitable giving? Do you give your leftovers or is self-sacrifice involved? Be generous with what you have and you won’t miss it so much when it’s gone.

  7. Do not look to other people for validation:

    Learn to rely on what you know is wise rather than the opinions of those around you. If you need to purchase trendy items, or drive the right car, or wear the correct clothes in order to feel validated, then your sense of self-worth is going to depend on things that could (and will) easily disappear overnight.

  8. Develop a clear vision as to where you are going:

    Understand your purpose in life, and develop clear goals that come directly from your heart. Your vision is more enduring than the temporary ups and downs of circumstance.

  9. Learn to distinguish between the temporary and the eternal:

    When we understand what parts of our life line up under “temporary” and what parts can be listed as “eternal,” then it’s not so hard to be philosophical when the temporary stuff threatens to overwhelm.

  10. Be reasonable:

    Keep a sense of balance. Ask for help from those around you. Don’t think you have to be the strong and silent one. Remember to live in community. Let yourself be loved and cared for.

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20% More?

Posted on January 9, 2012 by revjohnhill

Studies over several decades asked American families if they were happy. A large majority said No. “What would you need to be happy?” the study asked. The answer was about 20% more in income.

Stop for a second. Are you happy? If not, how much more would you need to be happy? More than 20%… or less?

The studies then did the tacky thing of following up on the surveyed families. They came back to them years later when they now were making at least 20% more — in ‘real’ money, not just due to inflation.

Are they happy now? “No!” What’s wrong? Well, we need 20% more.
It’s somewhat easy to figure this out. Our needs expand as the family grows. We didn’t really “need” this much years ago, but now we do. OK, well, it turns out that our ‘needs’ expand even after the kids move out. It depends on our definition of what are our ‘needs,’ you see.  I need This-and-That. After I get This-and-That, I’m not deeply satisfied because, in the meantime, somebody convinced me I need That-Other-Thing that ‘they’ have.

Psychiatrist Robert Coles, in his dealing with envious patients, wrote:
“Envy comes naturally to us, since we are limited in our distinctive ways, and so others (limited in their own ways) can seem so strong, so lucky, so blessed. We are bombarded so heavily in this secular world with invitations, suggestions, possibilities, and promises that we are bound to feel inadequate in their weighty presence, as we see them given life in others. Hence our wish to be those envied others, our anger that such has not come to pass.”

The happiest people you know are probably not the richest or the most famous or those who pay close attention to what others have or those whose every ‘want’ has been transformed into a ‘need.’ Nor are the happiest people those who pursue happiness — which is the surest way to never know happiness.
Happiness sneaks up on people while they’re doing other things, like caring and serving and enjoying the presence of loved ones or of God’s creation. Happiness is not stalked and trapped; it is welcomed.

 -Mitchell Williams is the Senior Pastor at the First United Methodist Church in Cullman, AL.  Mitchell was raised in Birmingham and spent a lot of time growing up at Camp Sumatanga. He received a Bachelor of Arts from Vanderbilt University (Theater) and a Masters of Theology from Southern Methodist University. He and his wife Jodi have two grown sons (Charlie, a Marine Sergeant, and Drew, an engineer) who both married very well and each have a son themselves. Mitchell has pastored for thirty years including nine years at Asbury (Birmingham), six at Aldersgate (Huntsville), and nine at Central (Decatur).

 

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John Wesley’s View on Money

Posted on January 8, 2012 by revjohnhill

As we begin our sermon series on the use of money, I thought it would be appropriate to give you an outline on John Wesley‘s view of money.  This sermon can be broken down to 3 points: Gain All You Can, Save All You Can, and Give All You Can.

“The Use of Money”

Summary:  Wesley uses this sermon to outline the proper use of earning, possessions and wealth with a very articulate statement: “Gain all you can, save all you can, give all you can.”  He uses this as an opportunity to insist that we are not owners of our assets, but stewards.

Introduction:

  1. There will be an accounting of our management of resources.
  2. Money can be bad, but it can also be good.  It can become the eyes to the blind and feet to the lame.
  3. It is one of our highest concerns to know how to use this valuable gift.
  1. Gain all You Can.
  2. Save All You Can
  3. Give All You Can.
  1. Without paying more than its worth; or at the expense of life or health
  2. Without harming our minds
    1. Lying, cheating, practices that are not in good consciences.
  3.  We must never harm others.
  4. Not gain more by harming our neighbor’s bodies.
  5. There are unscrupulous medicine “professionals” and it is clear that they are doing to others what they do not want done in return.
  6. These ways of gaining money comes at a high price.
  7. Cautions and restrictions
    1. Gain all you can by honest industry and diligence
    2. Make the most of your time
    3. Work with all your might.
    4. Do your work as well as possible and in a timely manner.
  8. Use common sense.
  1. Don’t throw your precious gains into the sea
  2. Don’t waste it on desires of the flesh.
  3. Don’t waste on desires of the eye such as fine clothing, houses, paintings, decorations gardens.
  4. Don’t spend to gain the admiration or praise of others.
  5. When we cater to these desires, they only increase.
  6. Don’t buy your kids everything and the best of everything.
  7. Don’t leave the kids money to squander.  Don’t set traps.
  8. Leave your money to the child that knows the value of money.
  1. Don’t stop with gaining and saving all you can.  You must give all you can.
  2. The sole ownership of everything rest with God.
  3. Provide for your basic needs; provide for your family; give the rest to the needy.
  4. How should you spend upon yourself?
    1. Am I acting according to my character?
    2. Am I giving this money in obedience to God’s word?
    3. Can I offer up this action as a sacrifice to God?
    4. Do I believe that I will receive a reward for this work at the resurrection?
  5. If your conscience says that this pleases God then you have no doubt that it is right and good.
  6. In your living and dying, waste nothing on sin or foolishness for yourself or your children.
  7. We cannot be wise or faithful stewards without managing the Lord’s goods in this way.
    1. Lead a life worthy of the dignity of your calling.
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The Transforming “I Will”

Posted on January 6, 2012 by revjohnhill

On a clear, cool Fall Sunday morning a young family makes their way to the altar of a local United Methodist Church.  They had been attending the services for three months.   After conversations with the pastor, and prayerful consideration, they made the decision to become members of the congregation.  As they approached the chancel rail of the church the pastor met them with a smile.  He asked them to face the congregation as he introduced them.  Then he asked them to re-affirm their commitment to Christ by remembering their baptism, and promising to be loyal to the the United Methodist Church by doing all in their power to strengthen its ministries. [UMH, page 37-38]  After their re-affirmation of commitment to Christ and the church, they were asked the traditional question that is asked of all who join United Methodist congregations.  “As members of this congregation will you faithfully participate in its ministries by your prayers, your presence, your gifts, your service, and your witness?”  (UMH, page 38)  Their response was the same response every United Methodist has given as they began their discipleship journey.  “I will.” 

Each time a new member makes that commitment in our congregations, we as United Methodists, are challenged to renew our commitment and join their voices with a resounding, “I will.” 

It all begins with the promise:  “…will you faithfully participate in ministries by your prayers, your presence, your gifts, your service and your witness?”  Your response of “I will” is the first step in an incredible Wesleyan journey to fulfill the core purpose of your congregation.  How can each person faithfully fulfill their church’s mission of making and growing disciples of Jesus Christ?  They begin in prayer, and continue by being present in study, worship and fellowship.  They celebrate their giftedness from God by being faithful financial disciples.  They become the hands and feet of Jesus at work in the world, and proclaim the word of God both spoken and lived out in a world that hungers for the love of God.

Conversations about stewardship and giving are viewed by some in the church as taboo.  If giving is mentioned only once or twice a year in a congregation, there is often an admonition that “all we ever do is talk about money” at church. Giving is often viewed as “too personal” to be discussed at length in the church.  By making stewardship and giving a forbidden subject Christians give money a mysterious power outside the bounds of theology.     In essence it is given god-like tendencies.  The truth is that stewardship is more about spiritual growth than financial strength or weakness.  It is time that modern Christians celebrate their role as financial disciples of Jesus.

The celebration of financial disciples begins by establishing a healthy theology of stewardship or giving.  Everything we have comes from God, and living out that giftedness in the world is vital to responsible discipleship.   Jesus’ words in the Gospel of Luke were both a truth and a challenge.  “For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.”  (Luke 12:34, New International Version]  The treasure that a Christian posesses is a gift from God to be activated in love from the heart.  The theology of giving is best lived out in the church in three ways.  First, as an act of worship.  Both the Old and New Testaments talked about the offering of our gifts in the context of worship.  Most of those vignettes were in the temple, and were clearly acts of corporate worship.  Secondly,  giving is an expression of faith.  Not only does the Christian recognize the generosity of God in the bountiful gifts they receive, but also in the giving of those gifts they faithfully fulfill God’s purpose in the world.  Finally, stewardship and generosity are a spiritual discipline.  It is easy for modern Christians to have a serious disconnect between faith and money.  A healthy theology of giving helps us remember that our stewardship is about spiritual growth.  William Sloane Coffin began a stewardship sermon at Riverside Church in New York City with the following introduction:  “I have not come today to raise money for the church, I am here to remind you who you are.”  Stewardship and giving are not transactional.  Giving should be transformational for the church, for the world, and most of all of the faithful financial disciple of Jesus.  “I Will”,  these two simple words in response to God’s call in our lives can transform our lives, our church, and our world for Christ.

Article written by Rick Owen.

Rick has over 35 years of experience working with churches and non-profit boards. His passion for visioning, strategic ministry planning, functional- and gift-oriented board structures, leadership development, and the creation of cultures of innovation are refreshing in the world of churches and institutions. He is an experienced teacher, preacher and presenter in a variety of settings. He has served as a minister in churches from 15 members to 4,500 members; he has taught philosophy, ethics, Old Testament and New Testament on the college level, and currently works with leaders, boards and pastors as a strategic ministry coach. He has served on a number of church-related and community boards, and is committed to the vision of empowering people to live out their vision and purpose.

Categories: Church, Church At Chelsea Park, Faith Journey, Influenced By:, Leadership, Stewardship | Tags: , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Wesley’s Sermon: “The Use of Money”

Posted on January 5, 2012 by revjohnhill

Summary:  Wesley uses this sermon to outline the proper use of earning, possessions and wealth with a very articulate statement: “Gain all you can, save all you can, give all you can.”  He uses this as an opportunity to insist that we are not owners of our assets, but stewards.

Introduction:

  1. There will be an accounting of our management of resources.
  2. Money can be bad, but it can also be good.  It can become the eyes to the blind and feet to the lame.
  3. It is one of our highest concerns to know how to use this valuable gift.

1.  GAIN ALL YOU CAN

  1. Without paying more than its worth; or at the expense of life or health
  2. Without harming our minds
    1. Lying, cheating, practices that are not in good consciences.
  3.  We must never harm others.
  4. Not gain more by harming our neighbor’s bodies.
  5. There are unscrupulous medicine “professionals” and it is clear that they are doing to others what they do not want done in return.
  6. These ways of gaining money comes at a high price.
  7. Cautions and restrictions
    1. Gain all you can by honest industry and diligence
    2. Make the most of your time
    3. Work with all your might.
    4. Do your work as well as possible and in a timely manner.
  8. Use common sense.

2.  SAVE ALL YOU CAN

  1. Don’t throw your precious gains into the sea
  2. Don’t waste it on desires of the flesh.
  3. Don’t waste on desires of the eye such as fine clothing, houses, paintings, decorations gardens.
  4. Don’t spend to gain the admiration or praise of others.
  5. When we cater to these desires, they only increase.
  6. Don’t buy your kids everything and the best of everything.
  7. Don’t leave the kids money to squander.  Don’t set traps.
  8. Leave your money to the child that knows the value of money.

3.  GIVE ALL YOU CAN

  1. Don’t stop with gaining and saving all you can.  You must give all you can.
  2. The sole ownership of everything rest with God.
  3. Provide for your basic needs; provide for your family; give the rest to the needy.
  4. How should you spend upon yourself?
    1. Am I acting according to my character?
    2. Am I giving this money in obedience to God’s word?
    3. Can I offer up this action as a sacrifice to God?
    4. Do I believe that I will receive a reward for this work at the resurrection?
  5. If your conscience says that this pleases God then you have no doubt that it is right and good.
  6. In your living and dying, waste nothing on sin or foolishness for yourself or your children.
  7. We cannot be wise or faithful stewards without managing the Lord’s goods in this way.

Lead a life worthy of the dignity of your calling.

Categories: Church, Common Everyday Stuff, Faith Journey, Influenced By:, John Wesley, Leadership, Quote | Tags: , , | 1 Comment

New Stat by George Barna re: Tithing

Posted on January 5, 2012 by revjohnhill

On a whole, people are giving less to the church. Further, Barna reveals that the national tithing rate has dropped to the lowest level in 10 years. By his estimation, approximately 4% of Americans practice tithing. That’s a 40 percent decline.

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Goals for 2012

Posted on December 31, 2011 by revjohnhill

“Don’t ever be impressed with goal setting; be impressed with goal getting. Reaching new goals and moving to a higher level of performance always requires change, and change feels awkward. But take comfort in the knowledge that if a change doesn’t feel uncomfortable, then it’s probably not really a change.” John Maxwell

I’m a huge goal setter.  I believe in knowing where one is going because if you don’t how will you know when you get there.  Setting goals provides you with direction for your life.  It’s like setting out on a trip and not having a destination.  How will you know if your going in the right direction?

So, each year I make out a list of goals for the next year.

  • I share my goals with others.  Much harder to abandon when many others know about it.
  • I write them down.  Writing them down makes them real.
  • I post them where I can see them everyday. (Mine go on the bathroom mirror).
  • Track the progress.
  • If it is a big goal, then I will make small step goals to track the progress.
  • When you accomplish the goal, share it with others and celebrate!!

So, here are my goals for next year.  I invite you to hold me accountable and ask how well I am doing in accomplishing them.

  1. Lose weight.  I’m now at 189 and my goal is to reach 179 by June.  This would be 2 pounds/month.
  2. Lower my cholesterol.  Don’t know the exact numbers but will be talking with my doctor to set the numerical goal.
  3. Follow our family budget.
  4. Exercise 5 times per week.  Walk 30 minutes 3 times per week in January, 45 minutes in February 4 times/week, 1 hour in March 5 times/week.  10,000 steps/day (Jan-Feb); 15,000 steps (March and April); 20,000 steps/day in May and June).
  5. Weekend camping in camper 1 weekend/month from March to October.
  6. Read 8 novels and 8 books that are Spiritual, Self-Improvement, or Leadership.
  7. Hike Vicksburg National Battlefield.
  8. Plan and date a family trip to the Grand Canyon for 2013.
  9. Attend 1 John Maxwell event.
  10. Achieve Basic credentialing with ICPC (Police Chaplain)

These are my personal goals.  I will be setting additional goals that will cover Church and Ministry.

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Farewell to My Best Friend

Posted on December 30, 2011 by revjohnhill

Yesterday I had to make the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make and that was to put down my best friend, Reagan.  I got her when she was just a puppy and I could hold her in one hand.  She grew to be a 100 pound best friend.  Sure, we had our rough moments, like when she destroyed the flower bed that I had spent a week building or the time she ate 3 metal tipped darts, a brillo pad and .45 cents (this episode cost me almost $1000.00) and all the other times until she reached that magic age of 2 years old.  She was my camping partner.  I can’t begin to tell you how many times we shared a tent together.  She was my guard dog, my roommate and my buddy.  In the 12 years we were together she was the one who was with me through all the changes in my life.  She never left my side, never complained, and was always glad to see me.  She even knew when I was sick and she would come and lay by my bed or the couch (whichever I might on). When my Mom had her wreck, she was the one who brought me the most comfort.  She was even brought to Jackson and stayed with me throughout the whole ordeal.

In her life time she experienced:

  • 3 cities
  • 6 houses
  • 2 careers
  • 7 cars
  • 1 boat
  • 5 Churches
  • Girlfriends
  • 2 engagements
  • 1 wedding
  • 5 children
  • 1 horrible wreck
  • Seminary
  • Ordination
  • September 11
  • The death of 2 grandmothers
  • The death of a grandfather

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All the important things in my life, she was there for.  Sometimes it was to enjoy together, experience together or just being there for me when I needed it.  Sure, she was just a dog, but she was more than that for me. She was my friend and I will miss her.

Categories: Family, Friends, John Personal | 10 Comments

Are You An Aquarium Keeping Leader?

Posted on December 28, 2011 by revjohnhill

“Focus on the people you want to reach, and you’ll keep the people you want to keep.”

People ask me all the time how we’ve been able to see so many people come to Christ in five years.

Outside of the favor of God, I could give you a lot of specifics. Tell you a lot of things that we’ve done. But none of it will help you until you make a decision we made in the early days of our church.

And that was the decision to be more focused on the people we’re trying to reach than on the people we’re trying to keep. As others have said, to be fishers of men, not just keepers of the aquarium.

We’re not going to cater to the personal preferences of the few in our pursuit of the salvation of the many…Continue reading by clicking the link below

via Are You An Aquarium Keeping Leader?.

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Being a Good Father

Posted on December 26, 2011 by revjohnhill

I am now a Father and I’m learning everyday.  It’s amazing how much I really don’t know.  Here are some of the things I’ve learned about being a father:

  • You don’t mind cleaning up your child’s “throw-up”.  (I’ve always gotten sick from someone throwing up)
  • When they are sick, you want them close to you. ( I used to run from sick people from a fear of catching it.)
  • You’re their parent, not their friend, buddy, companion or partner.  (They have many friends/buddies but only 2 parents.  They need you to be in that role.)
  • Discipline is a part of being a parent.  (The old saying,”This is going to hurt me more than you.” is so true.)
  • Telling them each day how much you love them.
  • Hold them in your lap (At least until they are too big)
  • Know who their friends are and who their friends parents are. (Aside from you, their friends will have the most influence on their lives.)
  • Set boundaries for your children/teenagers.  They won’t set them on their own, but you’re teaching them how to do this preparing them for tomorrow.
  • Play the X-Box/football/baseball/sports with them and let them win (sometimes but losing on purpose all the time is a bad lesson in itself.) Go hiking, camping, fishing with the boys and shopping, dress up, and nails with your girls.
  • Teach them to fail forward, persistence, courage, honor and committment.
  • Introduce them and teach them to respect new cultures, people who are different, and other religions.
  • Teach them Grace by your actions.
  • Teach them the importance of money (checking account, saving, budgets, and investing) AND that money is NOT the most important thing and is NOT what makes them valuable.
  • Show them how to be a husband (or what to look for in a husband) by the way you treat and love their Mom.
  • Don’t spend all your time at work.  Your employer of 20 years will forget you 1 week after you’re gone but your children will miss you for a lifetime.
  • Teach them to tithe.
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A Present for Jesus

Posted on December 23, 2011 by revjohnhill

Tonight, Noah(3 years old) and I got to talking about Santa Claus and the present he might be bringing.  He was sharing with me this long list of what he wanted and asking just exactly how Santa is going to make it down our chimney.  I asked him, “Son, what else is Christmas about?”  He surprised me by saying it’s Jesus‘ birthday!  I can’t help but to say that I (as a preacher dad) was quite proud.  He began to tell me where Jesus was born and I told him about a manger and the shepherds visit.

I then asked him, “If it’s Jesus’ birthday, what should we get him for Christmas?”  Out of nowhere, he said, “Let’s get him a COW!”  Uhhhhh Okay.  Then my mind got to working.  “Why would Jesus need a cow?”  He answered, “I don’t know.”  I shared with him one of the ways to give Jesus a present was to help someone who was in need of food, shelter, money, etc…  We then began looking at Heifer International.  They have a great video made for children about how someone can be helped by animals.  See the video by clicking HERE  Noah chose to buy a flock of chicks that will grow to be chickens and produce up to 400 eggs/year/chick!!  It was a great experience for him and it was a great bonding time.

I believe it’s up to us as parents to teach our children the blessing of giving.  It’s a responsibility too many parents have failed at teaching.

Categories: Faith Journey, Family, Noah | Tags: , , , , , , | 2 Comments

If a Man Wants YOU! (For the Ladies)

Posted on December 22, 2011 by revjohnhill

As a pastor but mostly as a father of a teenage daughter, I was impressed by the following list and I hope all ladies both young and old will read and heed!!  God bless, John

If a Man Wants You

By: Salma Rumman

  • If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.

  • If he doesn’t want you, nothing can make him stay.

  • Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.

  • Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.

  • Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that’s not meant to be.

  • Slower is better.

  • Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.

  • If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can’t “be friends.”

  • A friend wouldn’t mistreat a friend.

  • Don’t settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.

  • Don’t stay because you think “it will get better.” You’ll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.

  • The only person you can control in a relationship is you.

  • Avoid men who’ve got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn’t marry them when he got them pregnant, Why would he treat you any differently?

  • Always have your own set of friends separate from his.

  • Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.

  • If something bothers you, speak up.

  • Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.

  • You cannot change a man’s behavior. Change comes from within.

  • Don’t EVER make him feel he is more important than you are…even if he has  more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god.  He is a man, nothing more nothing less.

  • Never let a man define who you are.

  • Never borrow someone else’s man.

  • Oh Lord!  If he cheated with you, he’ll cheat on you.

  • A man will only treat you the way you allow him to treat you.

  • All men are not dogs.

  • You should not be the one doing all the bending…compromise is a two-way street.

  • You need time to heal between relationships…There is nothing cute about baggage. Deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.

  • You should never look for someone to complete you. A relationship consists of two whole individuals. Look for someone complimentary, not supplementary.

  • Dating is fun; even if he doesn’t turn out to be Mr. Right.

  • Make him miss you sometimes. When a man always know where you are, and you’re always readily available to him—he takes it for granted.

  • Don’t fully commit to a man who doesn’t give you everything that you need.

  • Keep him in your radar but get to know others.

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Categories: Common Everyday Stuff, Friends, John Personal | Tags: , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

The New Traditional Church

Posted on December 21, 2011 by revjohnhill

Wow, this is a very thought provoking article by Tony Morgan.  I hope you will take a moment to read.

The New Traditional Church | TonyMorganLive.com.

Categories: Church, Faith Journey, Leadership | Leave a comment

Wake Up Call

Posted on December 21, 2011 by revjohnhill

Wow, what a week this has been.  Saturday, our family traveled to Wetumpka for the Barnes Family Christmas.  While we were there, I became very uncomfortable with a pain in my chest.  As a frequent sufferer of heartburn, I dismissed it as that.  However on the way home, the discomfort grew and was very different from the pain I normally experience with heartburn.  We got home, checked my blood pressure and it was out of sight.  Jill made the decision then that I was going to the hospital.  We went to Brookwood ER and they immediately began running test but after several hours, all came back normal.  I decided to go home.

Sunday, I didn’t preach and stayed home, however, the pain stayed with me. Sunday evening I called a friend who is a nurse and she sent me back to Brookwood and before I knew it, I was admitted.  Monday morning I had an ateriogram performed and they injected dye into my heart.  Well to make a long story short, I’ve got some minor blockage.  The doctor described it as a pipe that has rust patches in it.

Nothing further needs to be done medically except I have to take an aspiran/day and control my cholesterol.  I also have to have a dramatic life style change in the diet and exercise departments.  This is going to be difficult for me, but this is the way the doctor put it…”Right now, you have very little risk in the way of blockage.  However, in 15 years it will be causing you MAJOR problems.”  In 15 years, I will be 59 years old, but my children will be 17 and 18 years old. That will be a time when they are experiencing a great deal of change in their own life and as a father, I want to be there to help them instead of them worrying about me.

It really comes down to this, what do I love the most:

  • My family or eating everything I desire.
  • My family or sitting on the couch.
  • My family or myself

It’s my choice and I’m choosing my family.

Please hold me accountable.  Please ask me how I’m doing. Please remind me of the choice that I’m making because this is going to be very difficult.  It’s worth it but like anything worth having in this life, it’s going to take effort.

I would like to thank all the people at Brookwood Hospital who put up with this not so patient patient.  Thanks for all the prayers from my church family and all others who prayed.  Thanks for my family who helped out with all the children and my wife for staying by my side.  I love you all.

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Categories: Family, Friends, John Personal, Lessons I've Learned as a Dad | Tags: , , , , , , | 5 Comments

6 HUGE Mistakes a Pastor Can Make

Posted on December 15, 2011 by revjohnhill

I’m now coming up on my 10th year in ministry and I’ve discovered some mistakes (some I’ve made and some I’ve seen) which can greatly limit a pastors ministry.  Here is what I have found:

  • Mistake 1.  Micro-managing your staff/volunteers.  If there is a need to micro-manage because the job may not get done correctly, then why are they in that position to begin with.  However, most micro-managing is the result of a Pastor’s own lack of self-confidence.  Pastor’s must get over themselves and get out-of-the-way of others.
  • Mistake 2.  Not Empowering staff nor congregation to do ministry.  Many pastors are not handing over the reigns of ministry to the laity.  When you don’t empower others for ministry, the ministry is limited/held back according to what YOU can accomplish.  When others are empowered, the ministry will grow exponentially.  A large role of the pastor is to train others and empower them to do ministry.  I tell me congregation that when someone is sick and in the hospital, I hope I’m the last one to arrive because everyone else has beaten me to the hospital.
  • Mistake 3.  It’s All About Me!  I call this the “Glory Hog” and they want all the glory to themselves.  ”Did you see what Pastor_______ is doing at XYZ Church!”  is what they strive to hear.  Ministry is not for our glory but for the glory of God.
  • Mistake 4.  It’s Gotta Be My Way:  A true recipe for failure.  You’re only a leader if people are following you.  This is not a dictatorship and yes there are times when a pastor needs to hold his/her ground especially when there is a doctrine, theological, or moral issue.  BUT some compromise is more often the case.
  • Mistake 5.  Not Maintaining Confidentiality :  Un-ethical/damaging/heartless and DUMB.  The only time confidentiality should be broken is in the case of abuse or fear for someones life.
  • Mistake 6.  Not Setting Goals and Informing Congregation: If a church does not know where it is going and the direction it will be taking to arrive at its destination, how will it know when it arrives?  These goals cannot be the personal secret of the pastor.  Sharing these goals can/should motivate the congregation to achieve the goals IF they are in line with the vision of the church.
Categories: Church, Faith Journey, John's Rant (opinion), Leadership | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

6 Ways to be a “Good” Husband

Posted on December 14, 2011 by revjohnhill

My Beautiful Bride

I have never met anyone like my wife, Jill.  Next to my relationship with Jesus, she is the best thing that has ever happened to me in my life.  I love her with all my heart and I want nothing but the best for her.  Wanting nothing but the best for her has made me look at myself and ask “How can I be a better husband?”  Here are some things I do…

  1. Tell her you love her and how much she means to you.  It’s amazing to me how many wives say their husband never tells them he loves them. Our wives need to hear us say that we love them and not only during those intimate moments.  When is the last time you called your wife in the middle of the day with nothing to say except, I love you.  Leave her love notes, send her flowers, tell her she is beautiful.
  2. Pray for you wife and with her.  Praying specifically for your wife and thanking God for her puts your wife in a special place in your heart.  It’s really hard to stay angry with someone you’re constantly praying for.  Also, pray with your wife.  The man is the spiritual leader in the home.  It’s the man’s responsibility to lead the spiritual formation of the family and it starts with prayer.
  3. Discover your wife’s love language.  Read the book, “The Five Love Languages“!  A love language is how one feels the most love.  I’m someone who feels love when someone does something for me.  When we first married I would mow the lawn and manicure it, then go in the house with my chest poked out and tell her to look at it.  I was trying to impress her.  She would look at it and say, “Good Job”  Or I would wash, wax, and clean out her car only to get a simple thank you.  After a marriage retreat, I found out that it was not the way to show Jill I love her.  Her love language is touch.  Spending time on the couch, holding her hand while watching TV is what she sees as love.   You won’t know how to show her your love if you don’t know what she needs.
  4. Learn More About Her.  People are constantly changing and no matter how long you’ve been married there are always new things to learn about her.  Do you know what kind of gum she prefers?  What’s her favorite color?  What are her dreams?
  5. Constantly look for ways you can be a better husband.  This may sound simple, but it is so important.  Always be growing as a husband.  It’s like being a Christian, seeking perfection in a broken world and trying to be more like Christ every day.
  6. Date your wife.  It’s so easy to fall into a “life” routine of going to work, coming home, changing babies, doing the dishes and going to bed.  A husband has to be intentional about asking his wife out on a date.  No kids, open the car door for her, bring her flowers, go someplace romantic over night. Get in the habit of this and ideally do it once a week.  If this is not possible, at least do it routinely.  It will strengthen your marriage.
Categories: Common Everyday Stuff, Family, Jill, John's Rant (opinion) | Leave a comment

7 Ways Satan Attacks the Church

Posted on December 14, 2011 by revjohnhill

“Satan certainly loves to disrupt what God’s church is doing,” says Ron Edmondson.

via 7 Ways Satan Attacks the Church.

Categories: Church, Church At Chelsea Park, Faith Journey, Leadership | Leave a comment

Losing Weight

Posted on December 13, 2011 by revjohnhill

Taken Prior to September

Most everyone knows that I struggle with my weight.  I’m not much different from all other 44-year-old men.  I love food.  I love all kinds of food, junk food, good food, buffets, casseroles, and desserts.  I love it all.  When I was younger, I could eat a great deal because I was very active.  Now at this point in my life, I struggle to find time to exercise and when I do have time, I’m not motivated to exercise.  So, the pounds have been added.

I went to the doctor in September and the first thing they do is put me on the scale…210!  I’ve got a closet full of clothes I can’t wear and each day, I lose the ability to wear something else.  Pretty soon, I’m going to be walking around naked!

The next thing they did was to take my blood pressure. I don’t recall the number, but I remember the look on my nurses face.  It wasn’t good.  When the Dr. finally came in, we talked for a long time and he told me the risk of what I was doing to myself.  Heart attack, stroke, death…I know this.  I’m a pastor, I’ve seen it happen in my congregants but I’ve refused to see it in myself.

Sadly, I hadn’t found the motivation that outweighed my enjoyment of food.  I’ve tried Weight Watchers and although it’s a great program, it has never meant more to me than the next Chinese buffet.  However,  It was this day that I found the right motivation.  I was asked, “John, do you love your children?”  Yes, I answered.  “Do you want to see them grow up?”  Of course!  “If you don’t lose weight, you’re not going to be there for them.  You’re not going to see ball games, beauty pageants, school plays, graduations, marriages, nor grandchildren.  You’re not going to be there to give advice, to love, to hold and to tell them how proud you are of them.”

That’s all I needed.  Just the proper motivation.  I want to be here for my kids and THAT outweighs my love for food.  So, now when I want to go to Dairy Cream, I think about that birthday party that I will not be present for if I eat this Blizzard.

Since September, I’ve gone from 210 to 189.5.  This morning, I was able to wear a belt and cinch it to the 4th hole!  This is the same belt that I could not wear in September.  It’s a struggle every day!  Sometimes, I don’t make it and I enjoy a treat.  BUT, my new motivation looks me in the eye and tells me they love me “Thissssss MUUUCCCCHHHHH”.  That’s all it takes.

Categories: John Personal | Tags: , , , | 1 Comment

What Is It? The Wesley Quadrilateral…

Posted on December 9, 2011 by revjohnhill
English:

Image via Wikipedia

The Wesley quadrilateral is a method of exploring and understanding God. John Wesley adopted and adapted three of these position from the Church of England (Scripture, Reason, and Tradition), and he added Experience to form the quadrilateral.

Scripture

John Wesley believed as I do, that Scripture must be primary among the other sources.  Wesley believed that the Scriptures were the infallible word of God, and to him this meant that the Bible will not fail in life, faith, and practice.  I believe that Scripture provides all things necessary that one is to know for salvation, and that it is the primary source and authority for our faith.  Nothing can override the primacy of God that is revealed in Scriptures, thus the Bible is used to judge all other positions.

While Wesley believed in the infalliblilty of Scriptures, that does not mean that we as United Methodist believe in the inerrancy of the Bible.  As one is reading Scriptures, he/she must keep in mind that the writers were influenced by their culture and traditions.  As we read Scripture, we must look beyond the cultural differences and allow the Holy Spirit to guide us in the discernment of what God is communicating to us. We must also be careful not to isolate passages but to base our doctrine and beliefs on Scripture as a whole.  Taking individual passages out of context has led to doctrines such as predestination and women being subservient to men.  Throughout Scripture it is found that God’s grace is available to all and not just a select few.

Tradition

Tradition is those beliefs, practices, and customs that the Church has passed down over the centuries.  We don’t have to “re-invent the wheel” of Christianity.  Tradition affirms and places value in past works through which God’s work and action is seen.   It is through the traditions that we have the hymns, creeds, and liturgy that add to the value of our faith.

I found through my experiences with contemporary worship that people who have not been to church in years oftentimes will feel a strong attachment to an old hymn.  It might connect them to their childhood, a memory, or some sort of familiarity they have with God.  We may sing it in a different way or use different instruments, but the words and meaning transcend the ages and continue to minister.

Tradition is and should be held in high regard by the Church, but it should never contradict or supercede Scripture.  It also should never hold us back from growing closer to God.  I once heard the seven deadliest words to a church are, “We’ve never done it that way before.”  Yet, these words are implied/said when using a different type of musical instrument is rejected.  Those words are said when new ways of reaching people are discarded because “it’s never been done that way.” God uses people each and every day, and God will use people in the future to create new traditions that will continue sharing the love and grace of Jesus Christ with the world.

Reason

Reason is the means by which Scripture and Tradition can be examined and understood by a thoughtful person.   It is through reason that we ask good questions and seek to gain the understanding of God’s will for our lives.  My United Methodist Theology and Doctrine professor in seminary described reason in this way: “God gave you a brain and wants you to use it.  It is through reason that we can study and interpret the Scriptures, we can ask and search for answers to questions of faith, and we can discern where God is calling us.”

Experience

John Wesley added Experience to the Anglican trilogy of Scripture, Tradition, and Reason.  The experiences we have in our everyday lives interact with our reading of Scripture.  We read Scripture through the lens of our own personal life experiences.  If one is in the midst of a struggle or oppression, he/she will read the Scripture through the lens of someone in need of freedom and release.  I have seen this through a woman who was living in an abusive marital situation.  She would cling to the hope of freedom found in her Bible about how God delivers His people from oppression.  Her life experiences played a large role in her reading of Scripture and understanding of God.  Our personal experiences allow us to find and apply Scriptural truths in our real-life situations.

Categories: Church, Faith Journey, John Wesley | Tags: , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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