I have never met anyone like my wife, Jill. Next to my relationship with Jesus, she is the best thing that has ever happened to me in my life. I love her with all my heart and I want nothing but the best for her. Wanting nothing but the best for her has made me look at myself and ask “How can I be a better husband?” Here are some things I do…
- Tell her you love her and how much she means to you. It’s amazing to me how many wives say their husband never tells them he loves them. Our wives need to hear us say that we love them and not only during those intimate moments. When is the last time you called your wife in the middle of the day with nothing to say except, I love you. Leave her love notes, send her flowers, tell her she is beautiful.
- Pray for you wife and with her. Praying specifically for your wife and thanking God for her puts your wife in a special place in your heart. It’s really hard to stay angry with someone you’re constantly praying for. Also, pray with your wife. The man is the spiritual leader in the home. It’s the man’s responsibility to lead the spiritual formation of the family and it starts with prayer.
- Discover your wife’s love language. Read the book, “The Five Love Languages“! A love language is how one feels the most love. I’m someone who feels love when someone does something for me. When we first married I would mow the lawn and manicure it, then go in the house with my chest poked out and tell her to look at it. I was trying to impress her. She would look at it and say, “Good Job” Or I would wash, wax, and clean out her car only to get a simple thank you. After a marriage retreat, I found out that it was not the way to show Jill I love her. Her love language is touch. Spending time on the couch, holding her hand while watching TV is what she sees as love. You won’t know how to show her your love if you don’t know what she needs.
- Learn More About Her. People are constantly changing and no matter how long you’ve been married there are always new things to learn about her. Do you know what kind of gum she prefers? What’s her favorite color? What are her dreams?
- Constantly look for ways you can be a better husband. This may sound simple, but it is so important. Always be growing as a husband. It’s like being a Christian, seeking perfection in a broken world and trying to be more like Christ every day.
- Date your wife. It’s so easy to fall into a “life” routine of going to work, coming home, changing babies, doing the dishes and going to bed. A husband has to be intentional about asking his wife out on a date. No kids, open the car door for her, bring her flowers, go someplace romantic over night. Get in the habit of this and ideally do it once a week. If this is not possible, at least do it routinely. It will strengthen your marriage.